Die Totenhosen

Regular readers of my diatribes (both of you) will know that MM has always been partial to a bit of live music, notwithstanding his unfortunate enforced exit from the Black Crowes bash at Brixton 3 weeks ago - but that's another story. Hem). Never a fan of stadium rock though.
So quite how it was that I found myself filing into the Europahalle sports stadium in downtown Karlsruhe last Thursday to watch a band I'd never heard of, was down to a peculiar combination of a property broker and some spontaneous desire to see what this legendary German punk group was all about.
Die Totenhosen, or as you English speakers are likely to call them The Dead Trousers (and don't go all Wallace & Gromit on me here), are something of a cult of 30 years standing. They look fairly unremarkable (compared to their fans anyway) except for the rhythmn guitarist, who, in an effort to give the band a more offbeat look (or cover up his spam, who knows) wears a bowler hat. It doesn't work particularly.
The Europahalle is like a mini O2, for those of you have had that dubious pleasure. On entering everyone was being offered earplugs by a cheery gent wearing a T shirt which insisted that 'Alcohol is not the answer'. Well it is if the question is 'What is it in beer that gets you off your face?', but I digress. However, it did strike me as rather incongruous that these 40something fans with hair spiked specially for the occasion, were grabbing the 'plugs by the handful.
Judging form the clapping & cheering for the support act the Doughnuts (Yes, reader. German rock bands DO need to do a bit more work on their names I agree), I could tell it was going to be a lively evening. The main act came on to the strains of the crowd singing 'You'll never walk alone'. Oddly enough it appears to be some sort of signature tune for Die Totenhosen - couldn't tell you why. The band then launched into a succession of what, to me, seemed some fairly innocuous clappa-singalonga 'Oi' pop songs, but the crowd was loving the whole show and that, in the end, is what matters. Crucially for Die Totenhosen, and probably why they have never made it outside Germany, unlike Kraftwerk, Tangerine Dream and Can, is that they sing in German. And I feel that rhyming German words, and making them scan smoothly into a song, must be fairly challenging, given the multi-syllable typical word construction. The singer had a fairly shouty raucous style which left me feeling that if I was at the controls of the U boat he was captaining, I would be diving at speed due to the imminent arrival of a British destroyer, but that's just me.
Anyway, 10/10 to the fans, who gave their all and who must have been thrilling to behold from the stage. And 10/10 to the band, who played for 2 hours and did 3 encores. It's just a shame they didn't have any good songs. Maybe they were punk once. Maybe what we have here is 'Schlager' punk.

Mugged off by....well everyone really

I seem to be going through a phase wherein I am some sort of soft target for people. I suppose it started last week when I was on holiday in Tobago (tough I know - well I AM unemployed..) You see my problem is I am way too friendly - but I hate to seem like the stand-offish tourist who doesn't give a damn. But I have never successfully cultivated the 'bog off and leave me alone' look, having gone instead for the naive, vacuous look of 'whatever it is you've got to say, I'll listen'.
So last week it was a toss-up on what occasion I wasted most money: Was it the street corner old rummy who asked me to buy him a drnk? (I bought him two somehow). Or was it the hitch-hiker we picked up who was on his way to work, and turned out to be a 'guide'in the forest reserve - I use the term advisedly, as at one point I pointed at a passing flock of parrots. "What sort of parrots are they" I asked. "Ones that talk" he replied. Mind you, this is the same man who, when I asked him what was the difference between Methodists and Baptists (West Indians take their religon seriously) said that Methodists sing, but Baptists shout a lot.Ok he wasn't representing himself as a guide on the finer points of theology I admit. Anyway, after 2 and a half hours of trekking round the forest - and seeing a lovely waterfall - he declared we owed him TT500, but he would do a special rate of 420 - this in a country where the average hourly rate of pay is TT8. Now, whilst we were officially still 'taking him to work' at this point, we were somewhat naive to have not negotiated a rate before starting on this trek. After much arguing, in which my companion told me we should pay no more than 150, my soft heart yielded 180 into his grasping hand. He skipped off to his house.
But on reflection I think the worst spent money was on Alan, the beach rasta with teeth like the Lands End rocks. He wandered onto the beach carrying some strands of what looked like cactus and a wad of pirate CDs.A glance at my mate Blackie told him he was going to get short shrift out of the Geordie rottwelier. But who was that gullible friend of his sitting nearby? Five minutes later I have been smeared front and back with something looking like lumpy KY jelly, which he insists is 'natural aloe vera' and comes from these plants, and am also the proud owner of a CD entitled 'Barrington Levy - the Early Years', according to the badly printed bit of paper inside - you know,the legendary Jamaican reggae and dancehall star (according to his website), and am TT 30 lighter in my wallet.I regard it as a contribution to Alan's dental care plan.However, when I eventually DO inspect the goods back in the UK, what I am in fact the owner of, is 'A Six Pack for Christmas' by Goddy, which is not some kind of abs work-out as you might suppose, but a selection of Goddy's Christmas calypso songs, some of which are the same.Goody is so lacking in fame that a Google search turns up nothing on him, and if you hear this CD you will understand why.
So, yes - I am a mug. Mind you, despite several opportunities, I have yet to buy a timeshare anywhere. Anyway, I have to go now - and write an e-mail to a nice man in Nigeria who has just written to me promisig me a lot of money if I can help him transfer some funds.